Fear or Anxiety Is Holding Me Back
You want to live your best life, yet not feel emotionally compromised
What Causes This Issue
Your relationship with fear, determines whether it turns into anxiety or not
If you take risks and act on your great ideas, but have to deal with subsequent anxiety, excessive fear or emotional drama, here’s what has gone wrong.
My name is Kristen Ulmer. I was called ‘fearless’ during my ski career, which led me to contemplate and research fear and anxiety for over 33 years to come up with my unique concepts and methods. If fear or anxiety holding you back is your issue, what I’ve learned is:
It doesn’t matter what kind of risks you take –request a promotion, ask the girl out, launch the new business– whatever they are, fear is a natural part of the process. It WILL be there. (Note: Fear is also there if you don’t take the risk, but that’s another conversation.)
YAnd, it’s the perfect design. If you embrace the fear, it flows into, through and out of your body in 10-90 seconds each time (proven by science), making you present and helping you bring your A-Game to any task.
Conversely, if you resistthat natural fear, this leads to issues.
Now, there are many resistance styles, and everyone is different. In general though, if your usual response to fear is is; “I refuse to feel it” or “I need to get rid of it before I proceed,” such resistance either:
1. stops you from proceeding, so you no longer have to feel the fear.
2. leads to ‘whatever you resist, persists.’ Fear gets stuck in your system like water trapped in a kinked hose, and recirculates round and round (this is anxiety).
3. results in a war with fear and thus a war with yourself, which creates exaggerated emotional drama.
Now, really let that all sink in. Turns out fear is actually not the issue. It’s your relationship with fear, namely your unwillingness to feel it, that is the issue.
ThConversely, if you become willing to feel your fear in a natural way, then anxiety doesn’t develop, and fear is only a great part of your process.
That’s what occurred for me during my ski career, which led to my becoming the best in the world at my sport for over a decade. That’s also the secret of entrepreneurs and other risk-takers who act freely on their great ideas without hesitation, yet can still sleep well at night.
What Makes it Worse
However you treat fear, determines how it treats you in return
This may surprise you, but the more you engage in numerous, well-intended and popular methods to reduce your fear or anxiety, the more your issue grows over time.
The reason being, imagine fear as your human child. Like with any human, if you try to control, get rid of or conquer an individual (this last one suggests a war), you may win a battle here and there. But who likes to be controlled or fought with like that? Certainly not fear. It leaves it no choice but to retaliate and fight back.
Keep it up, you develop a persistent and escalating issue with that child (fear), causing it to be more aggressive over time. We see this statistically, as despite all the clever methods available, 40% of anxiety sufferers report greater anxiety this year than last.
Adding to the problem, it becomes cyclical. As fear becomes more aggressive, you may ramp up your efforts, seeing these popular methods as your only salvation to feel better. It may never occur to you that the very thing that seems to help, only aggravates fear further, making it also ramp up its efforts in return.
Here are some of the methods I see regarding how we deal with fear (aka anxiety) that cause worse problems, and brief explanations why:
Ignore it: you go numb or stoic, or use food, alcohol or prescription / recreational drugs etc. to accomplish this. Does not make it go away, only makes it yell louder to get your attention. These efforts also cause other problems in your life.
Distract yourself from it: by doing something you love, exercising, going out with friends etc. It’s a temporary ‘running-away’ solution, which leaves fear no choice but to either chase you or tsunami you later when you’re less distracted.
Avoid it: quit your job, simplify your life, not take risks etc. Alas, fear is with you regardless. You cannot avoid that inevitable part of life. Do this, and it only shows up in different places, in different ways.
Replace it with positivity: breathing exercises, goal-oriented meditation, ‘choosing’ calm, laughter, gratitude etc. Makes you feel great in the moment, yet It’s like putting a band-aid over a wound. Alas, under that facade, it just starts to fester.
Let it go: Breathing exercises, guided meditation, visualization etc. Fear is not like CO2. It can’t or shouldn’t be let go of. It’s more like food that’s supposed to digested. Anything else is controlling (see below).
Control or regulate it: Who likes to be controlled? Certainly not the Amgydala, and certainly not fear. They are more sophisticated than you and if you try this, they only control you right back (in either obvious or covert ways).
Fight it: conquer, overcome, etc. Such language puts you at war with fear and thus at war with yourself. When all fails, leads to use of prescription or recreational drug use as it’s the only way to “win” that war.
Train your brain: CBT. Anxiety disorders are called ‘mental’ illness, and are thus being dealt with mentally. Yet, they’re emotional illness, which need to be dealt with emotionally. Anything else is off-point and thus loads of effort.
Rationalize it away: again, CBT. This is akin to rationalizing away the nature of life itself. Very difficult. Triggers fear to move out of your emotional body and invade your thoughts. Also, can cause you to be at war with your own mind.
Try to understand it: talk therapy, studying neuroscience etc. Interesting stuff, but keeps you trapped in your head, dealing with it intellectually rather than learning how to feel it in an emotional way. It’s the biggest form of resistance I see.
What To Do Instead
You’re No Longer Going to Engage in Methods That Only Offer You, At Best, Temporary Relief
To make this transition from resistance to embracing, start with knowing you have a choice to make.
The choice is this: Keep going down that route in which you’re already invested, knowing it takes you no further than you’ve gone so far. For many, that may be enough.
Or, head in a new direction.
If you choose the latter, here’s what that new direction looks like:
You learn how to allow fear its rightful place in your life and be in flow with it, so that it comes into, through and out of your system in 10-90 seconds, and doesn’t stay a moment longer.
To make this shift, of course it does require effort. But it’s a lot less effort than trying to overcome, let go of or rationalize away fear your whole life. And, you finally get the results you desire.
You get to stop being a statistic, and instead be among the folks who do NOT have a fear or anxiety issue.
Get in flow with your fear the way nature intended, and be amazed how quickly everything changes.
” The most important personal work you can ever do, is learn how to be in flow with Fear. Not only does fear or anxiety calm right down, but everything you want, follows. “
– Kristen Ulmer
How to Make That Transition
So long as you see fear as a negative and continue to talk about it in a derogatory way, you face ongoing issues with fear or anxiety that will never resolve.
However, if you change your perspective about fear and start to talk about it as a positive, your fear or anxiety issues resolve. I’ve seen it happen again and again.
Which is why I recommend with every new client, that the most important step is changing your language about how you talk about fear, to yourself and others.
Now, it’s not the easiest thing to do. Our culture calls fear a “low vibration energy.” We say it’s “false evidence appearing real.” We’re taught again and again to get rid of or overcome it. It’s easy to get swept up in that language. It’s also tempting to blame many of our issues on fear, rather than own our part in creating those issues.
Yet that dismissive approach is not working. Despite all attempts to get rid of or fight fear, anxiety disorders are only getting worse. OCD, irrational fear, insomnia, panic attacks, etc. plus recreational and prescription drug use to deal with all this etc. are on the rise.
At a time like this, when an industry-wide approach to dealing with an escalating issue continues to fail us, it’s time to completely re-think and re-boot what to do. And what I’ve found to be most important re-boot of all, is to change your language about how we speak about fear.
Do this, and not only do you feel remarkably better, but you’re also part of the growing revolutionary change the world so greatly needs, to help us turn fear or anxiety issues around on a global scale.
Fear is a deep wisdom that lies within you, that’s merely jumping up and down trying to get your attention
I help you make friends with it, in an honest way.
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Kristen has helped tens of thousands of clients make powerful perspective shifts around fear and anxiety
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Unlike anything you’ve ever seen or imagined before, with this guide you are living the cutting edge of desperately needed progress, not just for yourself, but for the world. This guide dramatically changes your perspective and life forever, but also makes you an early influencer that the world so desperately needs. By stopping the madness of negative self talk about fear, you and others in your life quite simply never experience fear, anxiety or the nature of the human experience the same way again.
Unlike anything you’ve ever seen or imagined before, with this guide you experience the cutting edge of desperately needed progress. This guide dramatically changes your perspective and life forever, but also makes you an early influencer that the world needs. By stopping the madness of negative self talk about fear, you and others in your life never experience fear, anxiety or the nature of the human experience the same way, ever again.
Here’s how to start the process:
STEP 1 : Click the BUY NOW button, then checkout using our secure checkout page
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STEP 3 : Whenever ready, you can always find the list in the download section of My Account
STEP 4 : Start reading, experience numerous, profound perspective shifts, and start speaking your new inclusive language right away